I am a Stranger

I am a stranger
I don't belong
I am nothing but a shadow
Of who I do not know
I am nothing but a fly
I am just a rock in the road
Something to be slipped on
Or throw away
You didn't believe in me
I was nothing, had noting
I can do nothing
I don't belong
Like a vapor
Or a heatbeat
I feel so small
I cannot find love
I am not wanted
Like a stranger
I am

My Life is Untitled.

Christ, the captor of my soul
Let not the restraints be lifted
For if this beast is allowed to roam
It's will destroy all around me
My heart keep it under lock and key
Do not allow my will free
Tame this creature
Let this Phoenix arise
From the ashes of pain
And every mistake that has been made
I will burn for you, and you alone
Keep me on the Path
Until you call me home
I will be your servant
Like a potter, mold my dreams
Cast me on the wheel
God you be at the lead
So that your Glory is revealed
By this be the testament of my life
Place me in the kelm
Solidify your grace in my life
Christ, in you is my life.

L.U.S.T. find out what it means to you.

Lust. We here the word everyday, or see its affects. We are bombarded with sensual images, and sexually charged advertisements. We have to deal with these everyday. That is a result of the world we live in. We have to deal with this problem weather we like to face it or not. Until we are brought back to perfection by the Lord Jesus we will have sin in the world. Lust can control a man. If we do not watch where we spend our time and, energy we will en up being ensnared by this. One common mistake is that lust is only a sexual ordeal. That is not true. Lust as most people refer to is that desire to have sexual satisfaction, before marriage. Lust in it true for it the deep desire for something that you should not have. For example you can lust after a new car, more money, or a better job. Lust is the deep desire for something that you should not have. When I examined this I discovered I have more lust in my life that I knew of. I have tried for so long to cutout the sexual lust, but what did I replace that with? Lust for more money so I could pay of my internship? Lust for better friends so they could hold me more accountable? Side note I have amazing friends. I had allowed it in my life. Weather it was sexual or not.

Re-Opening a Wond Hurts

So I have been listening to this song like for repeat for like the last hour. This is how I feel. Shame, regret, sorrow. Sometimes these emotions reign in my life and detract me from the Lord. They bring condemnation. I have been in so much pain in the last couple of week it is almost unbearable at time it seems. I am really good at faking a smile and just going through the day. It would be so easy to quit and give up, and give way to selfish desires of flesh. Then of course God in all His majesty shoots an arrow straight into my heart and brings me to my knees. "I DESERVE NOTHING." Peace is not promised at time, happiness either. God did not say this would be a easy life. So I am living with my consequences. Which at times feel like 80lb on my shoulders. Then having to come into work and just push my life aside and get things done. Is it selfish of me not to want to come in? Yes. Does not mean I still do no think this. I am submitting to the process. I just wish it was in another season in my life.

You know what in all of this, i am kind of joyful. At the end of this, I will be stronger and more equipped for what God wants to do in my life. I just need to hold on to that joy, but the string seems so thin I can almost loose it at times. Thus the deep, and emo tweets you have seen. Just be praying for me. If you like to call and just talk that be great to. I just need strong freinds, and bothers and sisters in Christ right now because I have not strength left to go on some days. Thanks so much God, for bring me through this time because I know it is for a purpose. Here are the lyrics to the song.

"Carried to the Table" Leeland

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

Well now here we are agian...

So just when I think I am fine and ok with life, I thrown a monkey wrench in the whole situation. I have been so dumb and stupid the last couple of days. Stepping out of God's will trying to take what he has for me too soon. Figures I would ruin an almost perfect gift from the Lord! How human we are, just because you are not sinning now. Thank God that he protects you everyday from yourself. How often do we look at someone and say, "I don't sin as much as them." FOOLS! We are so quick to put the mirror of the perfect Christ to other people, but we are so prideful to place it at ourselves. We have no problem judging others when we need to be examining our own hearts. We are here and breathing, but only by grace of God almighty. You know it’s funny As much as I hate falling it to sin it is such a slap in the face that I would be nothing without Christ in my life. He owns all weather I give it to Him or not, He will not take it but he owns it none the same. We are like little children holding on to filth when Christ has a banquet set up for us. Why do we do this, because of the lies, deceptions of the enemy and our own flesh. We lie to ourselves and say thing like "Oh this is just the way I am, I can't stop." So naive we are to the lies of the enemy. So the deal is this I could possibly leave the Honor Academy. That is one of the consequences for what I have done. I, as much as I don’t want it to come, am ready to take this. I just wanted you all to know my heart. Why do we hide who we really are?

Hi, my name is Stephen Meinke. I am a lusting, prideful, sexual-driven, arrogant, boastful human. Well I would be without the grace of God in my life. What lies we say when we can do it all on our own? Wow what a lie this is because without God in my life that is what you are a rotten dirty filthy sinner. Thank the merciful God for the gift on His son so you do not have to be what your flesh is. Make your flesh pay. Die to it every day. Make it be in submission to you. Now I am not say that this will not take effort, No, controlling you flesh with Christ will take every once of strength in your body, and even if you try you WILL fail a part form the Lord's help in your life. So I hope that me being open has caused you to examine your own hearts. What are you compromising on? Are you trying to do it on your own? Do you hide who you really are? Those questions cannot be asked by the author but only by the reader.

My Life to Date…Sort of.

So here is the deal so much has gotten on in the past couple of days…now is a good time to start to process it all First my ministry placement, LOVE. Well there are days that I want to crawl in a corner and make everyone leave me alone! I have so much to do and, not much help to boot. I am really just at the point where it kind of depends on the day…if I like it or not. I am responsible for most if not all Web Marketing. While I like this i really do not have the time to maintain this, AND research new ways to web market. I have been very successful with our Social marketing, but outer than that not much has changed. I would love to see some of my ideas come to life.I just don’t have the time to research them and find ways to implement.Thus comes the frustration.

Second is friends, I have finally begun to build that core group of friends whom I love. They are truly a blessing in my life. You all know who you are =)…Triforce, and T-Team and more. I have found some of the best people you could find on earth! I would list you out, but then I make people jealous. I am really wanting a group to stretch me and grow as a man, and a leader. Third is GI Life. Much different than what I expected. There are two types of GI’s. The ones that scoot on by and really just are here taking space, and really not affect the ministry or other people. Then there are the ones that realize what a GI is about and dive in to self-development and training for the next phase of life. Speaking of next-phase-of life. I am a huge crossing point once again in my own journey.

So I am a Management Associate,I have a ministry placement and help out my manager and grow my interns. I thought I would have no problem with this. Then I saw ATF live at Hamilton and I had tears running down my face as the drama was done on stage by some of my favorite people. I was taken aback by this. I was so moved by them. Then I had this urge to act again…like a cold heart coming back to life…not in the sense that the passion ever die it just was reawakened again. So I say all this to announce officially I will be trying out for MT next year! I am excited to see what the Lord does! I am going to finish the commitment of an MA year, but next year I hope to be on the stage…able to use my talent for the Lord.

Dedication...Got to Have It

So this week my dedication has been tested more than every. I am a part of a drama troop. I am the Director of Shattered Clay. I have not been to bed before 1:00AM just about every night this week. There have been plenty of times where I did not want to go. I was so tired and selfishness can in and make me think of myself. Tried to make me think that I was more important than others. That my feelings was more important than being supportive of my Team. F.y.i. I love my Lead team! Any ways there has been some real gut checks going on. I am so happy that the Lord has put such a passion in my life for the things I am dedicated to. The passion far out weights the pain. Christ is more that enough to sustain me through the day.

Also my ministry placement is teaching me tons! I some time have to go to meetings and schedule thing with Staff members and I am in charge of the meeting! Me, the one person who could not concentrate in school without pills, in charge of a meeting that could affect an entire department for the ministry. So humbling that God has placed this opportunity in my life. There are also multiple responsibilities that I have over me. So many things demanded. My mind is constantly in motion about ideas, concepts, reports and...dedication. I really do not have a supervisor, or someone over me giving me demands and deadline for projects. I could just sit back and get the bare-minimum done. To be honest some days I do. Most of the time though I put my full heart into anything I am tasked with. I have grown so much in the past couple of months that I have been a Graduate Intern.

The lessons I have learned this year have been completely different than last year. There are not the same hardships and scenarios to deal with. I am so excited for the rest of the year and to see what Christ is going to do in me, and through me. Let's get to it! GI's FTW!

For the Nations...

God, is so amazing. This week I am headed off to Dallas for a Global Expeditions trip to touch the fatherless generation. We will be doing V.B.S in Dallas and street ministry. This week God has just broke my heart for the nations. I pray that people area around when we are doing dramas. That they see Jesus and the are able to recognize his Love. The love that conquerors all fear. That Jesus is the only one that can save them. Not drug, sex, alcohol or another substitute. That His name is made great that he is know. That we will touch Christ, and then we will touch the world. We have only one more day down here at TeenMania to train and get ready. I am a Mission Advisor so keep me in your prayers as I have a lot of responsibility. God is going to move in Dallas.

Also a praise. I got in touch with a man in my congregation at church. He wants me to do some design for him on a t-shirt. God is really opening the door of opportunity lately. He has just rocked my world this year. Christ has shattered all my prescriptions on what a true Christian is. What it means to follow. What it means to serve. The Honor Academy has truly set me up for victory in my life. If you are struggling with what to do in life check out www.honoracademy.com. I thanks you all and as I graduate and stay another year I truly miss you all and St.Louis. That will always be home...until I move to Japan! YEA. God has revealed so much about my future down here I am so excited for the next couple of years.